Family Ties

Chinese Familial Relationships

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     It is evident that in Chinese culture, the style of raising children significantly differs from the way that Americans raise their family. Influenced by the philosophy of Confucianism, the Chinese parenting style is passionate about respecting authority, faithfulness toward adults, constraint regarding emotions, and to value education. This practice is also formed around the ideas of chiao shun, meaning “to train”, and guan, meaning “to govern and love”.

     The Chinese values have very high standards and expectations, and have great respect for their culture. As an example, when a Chinese student shows their parents their progress report from school, their parents would rather focus on what they were lacking, rather than praising them on what they did well. In other words, parents push their children in order to make them do their best and be respected. They are enthusiastic about raising successful kids, so they act rigid regarding their children’s education and also talents.

     In addition, Chinese values promote discipline and respect. There are harsher consequences when a child questions their parents’ authority. It is not up for discussion when a parent expects their child to behave in a certain way. However, American parents tend to negotiate or discuss with their child   what they would like from them.  

     In Chinese families, children often get compared to each other by their parents. Mothers will ask one another how their children did on tests like the ACT, for example. They also believe that comparing their kids in front of them would advocate motivation.

     The “Tiger Mom” controversy has been a sociological debate for the last two decades now. To some, the parenting techniques and choices that Chinese mothers choose to use with children seem harsh and excessive, but is shown to get results. These include knowing every single detail about their child’s schedule, extremely restricted freetime, no sleepovers or “playdates”, nothing lower than an A, and no extra curricular activities.

     Furthermore, when Chinese families live in the United States, they will gradually include some American values along with their own. Some families, for instance, decide to include more encouragement to their children. Even though change is not always easy due to deeply rooted traditional concepts, it is never imposible to pick up other values as well. Whenever a family lives in a new country, they can always adopt some of the good attributes from that culture, and simultaneously, continue to practice the good values of their own culture. The main goal in Chinese parenting is to have their children bring honor to their family. However, they primarily want them to be successful for their child’s own good.